Guilt
by Botticelli Angel
Summary: Missing Scene - Pippin blames himself for the death of Gandalf in Moria, and someone must comfort him before the hobbit is beyond help.


Title: Guilt  
  
Author: Botticelli Angel (Botticelli_Angel@darksites.com )  
  
Pairing(s): Aragorn/Pippin maybe a little Pippin/Boromir  
  
Rating: G  
  
Summary: FotR Movie Verse! Pippin has more trouble dealing with the death of Gandalf than we see, and when his guilt becomes too much, someone must try and help the distraught hobbit.  
  
Spoilers: FotR – Gandalf, which pretty much every one should know!   
  
Archive: Of course you may, anyone who wants it can have it, but please let me know first, I like to know where my babies are going…….yes, I did just refer to my writing as my baby, I need help, I know.  
  
Disclaimer: They're not mine. Nope, none of them. Not the films or the books. I wouldn't mind taking a few of them out for a test-drive though. You know you don't want to sue me, I'm a Student, therefore I have no money for you to take.   
  
Warning: None J I'm a good girl for a change.  
  
Authors Note:   
  
[1] I got inspired by a picture of that little cutie-pie Pippin in Balin's tomb looking incredibly guilty after the skeleton falls down the well. I then noticed on viewing the film how Pippin has the worst reaction to Gandalf's death, laying sobbing in Merry's lap. I figured that he must feel guilty, and then the plot bunnies started running riot in my brain.   
  
[2] Though I have been writing fanfic for many years, this is my first one in the LotR fandom, so please be gentle or else I'll have to go hide back in my other fandoms, which would make my plot bunnies sad.  
  
[3] I'm English. That explains the spelling, and most the general weirdness ;)   
  
[4] This has NOT been Beta'd, so I apologise in advance for any mistakes. If you're English and want the job for future jobs, I will love you forever!!!   
  
[5] I think I' turning into a pervy hobbit fancier……………hmmmm, might need to get some therapy for that.   
  
[6] Please feedback and feed my plot bunnies…..  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Merry stroked the hair of his younger friend as he cried, Pippins head resting in his lap, Pippin was so consumed by his grief that he was unable to stand or sit up. They were sat outside the mines of Moria inside of which was where they had just lost Gandalf to what he had called a 'Balrog', it didn't seem real. They couldn't have lost Gandalf; he was Gandalf, things like that didn't happen to him, to wizards.   
  
Merry watched Aragorn stand Sam up and argue with Boromir, not really listening to what was being said, all he knew was that Aragorn wanted them to get moving. With tears of sorrow trickling down his own cheeks he looked down at Pippin, the youngest hobbit showed no sign of recovering, being the one who seemed to be most affected. He tried to stand to join the others but could go nowhere as Pippin clung to his waist tightly and began to sob even harder. Merry was seriously beginning to worry about Pippin as Sam came over to them to aide him in standing Pippin up.  
  
"Aragorn says we have to go, or the orcs'll get us." Sam told Merry, his voice shaky and his round face still stained with tears.  
  
"Sam, I don't think Pip's going anywhere." Merry replied wiping away his own tears.   
  
Sam crouched down to look at his friend; Pippin was completely oblivious to all that was going on around him, his small shoulders shaking as his weeping wracked his body.   
  
"Sam, Merry. Get Pippin up." Aragorn ordered the two hobbits as he headed over to Legolas who was glaring out over the landscape, obviously angered by Aragorn. They swiftly began to talk in heated Elvish, Legolas looking the angriest they had ever seen him out of battle.   
  
"I'll take one arm and you take the other Sam." Merry instructed his loyal friend, not wanting to make Aragorn any angrier than he already was.   
  
Sam nodded and took a hold of one of Pippins arms and helped Merry to sit him up, which was no easy task in itself, Pippin's body was a dead weight and completely lifeless. Once they had both got a good hold on Pippin, they stood up, taking him with them. Pippin was still not co-operating, and made no attempt to stand up, his body instead slouching forward, his legs limp as Merry and Sam struggled to keep him off the ground. Merry looked at his best friend, his face was partially covered by his hair but underneath it Merry could see that Pippin was still highly distressed, his face creased with pain and tears still rolling down his face as he cried quietly to himself.   
  
"This isn't working Sam." Merry said looking over the top of Pippins head.  
  
"Do you think Mr Frodo will be able to help him?"  
  
Merry shook his head, and prepared to answer, but was stopped by Aragorn ordering them to hurry up and sort Pippin out.   
  
"Aragorn! Have a heart. Can you not see the halfling's distraught? Give him a moment at least." Boromir protested angrily once again as he pushed past the three hobbits.  
  
"I would let him have a moment if I had one to give, but you know as well as I the dangers of lingering here. We must move now. We may all grieve in the safety of Lothlorien." Aragorn tried to maintain his iron composure, keeping his eyes off the mourning hobbits. The sight of their normally happy faces broken and weighted down by the pain of the loss of Gandalf brought his pain forward, as sharp as Narsil itself. His mind knew better than to stay and grieve, but his heart begged him to stop, to allow himself time to process his own pain, but his mind won out. Aragorn gave out the order to start moving once again, his voice strong and commanding once more, but his eyes showed the depth of his pain and the difficulty of this choice he had made. Anger was his only defence against the pain, the only way that he could keep it far enough away to lead the fellowship now that they were without the wise words of Gandalf the Grey.   
  
Boromir muttered something under his breath, which was probably best all round that no one heard as he went back over to the three hobbits. He looked down at them and after taking off his heavy shield he placed it on the ground. Merry and Sam looked up at him wondering what he intended on doing as he crouched down on the ground in front of them.   
  
"Don't fear little ones." He said and gave them the best smile that he could manage amongst all that was happening to them. "He is too much of a burden for you two to bear."   
  
Sam and Merry both looked at Pippin, and suddenly became very protective of him, tightening their hold on him.   
  
"You can not drag him all the way to the woods of Lorien, not if we wish to be there before nightfall. Aragorn is right, the orcs will follow."   
  
"But…" Merry began, trying desperately to argue for more time for Pippin to calm himself.  
  
"Aragorn has spoken. We can have no more time here." Boromir stood and gently eased the still as good as lifeless Pippin from their grasp. He lifted him from the ground easily and pulled Pippin to him, taking a firm hold on him. Pippin may have been the smallest and lightest of the hobbits, but it was a long way to the woods of Lorien, and Boromir doubted that the young hobbit would be himself again for a while. Pippin seemed to recognise something of what was going on as he latched onto Boromir, wrapping his arms around the neck of the Man of Gondor, and securing his leg around Boromirs waist, so that he was being carried like a child on Boromirs hip, held tightly and securely to the Man and he wept into Boromirs shoulder.   
  
With Pippin safe and now moveable in Boromirs arms, Merry and Sam picked up Boromirs heavy shield and between then carried it along, trying to catch up with the others that had already begun the journey to Lothlorien. Despite the weight of the heavy metal armoury they hurried along at the fast and heavy pace that Aragorn instantly set, but it did not take him long to falter as he noticed Boromirs charge. Aragorn told Legolas to take the lead and dropped back to the end of the group where Boromir was closely following the rest of the hobbits.  
  
"Boromir." Aragorn asked quietly, his voice deep and husky. "What are you doing?"  
  
"What you asked."  
  
"I asked no such thing of you."  
  
"Ah, but you did." Boromir told him. "You wanted to move away from Moria and the little one was in no condition to do so. We are moving and the halfling is safe."  
  
Aragorn sighed. "You cannot carry him all the way to Lothlorien."  
  
"If it is needed, then it shall be done."  
  
"He is capable of walking on his own."   
  
"Is he? Look at him Aragorn."  
  
"I have seen him Boromir."  
  
"But I do not think you have." Boromir pressed. "Look closely at the little ones face and tell me that he is as well as the others. Tell me that if I put him on the ground, he will not fall down."  
  
Aragorn took a deep breath. Boromir was right, he had not once looked closely at the almost hysterical Pippin, afraid that the pain of the small hobbit would destroy his defences. Unable to escape, Aragorn conceded and looked upon Pippin, who still had most of his face buried in Boromirs shoulder, but what little he saw held an expression that Aragorn would never forget. The pain and hurt on the hobbits face was absolute and there was no escaping the strength of the emotion that he felt.   
  
"You are right. He is no condition to walk himself." Aragorn agreed before offering. "Do you wish me to take him?"  
  
"He is no burden Aragorn. Relieve the little ones instead." Boromir said nodding to Sam and Merry that struggled along in front of him with the shield from Gondor.   
  
Aragorn nodded and took the shield from the two hobbits before returning to the front of the group.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Boromir carried Pippin until they were surrounded by the Elven archers of Lothlorien and taken to the Lady of the Wood, Galadriel. Despite walking through the woods of Lorien, Pippin was still not himself, he stumbled through the trees, tripping up far more often than normal, his eyes almost glazed over as if he weren't really there. He seemed to be more aware when he was in the presence of Galadriel, but once they were being led back though the Elven city, he seemed to become lost in himself once again. Merry was keeping a close eye on his friend as they settled down in the area they were shown to rest in, and as the hours passed, the more worried he became.   
  
The Lament for Gandalf rang through the air like bells, the sheer beauty of the sound showing how much Gandalf would be missed, even if they could not understand the Elven words. Pippin just sat and listened, his eyes closed for the better part of the time, only opening occasionally to shed some fresh tears. Merry realised how serious it had become when Pippin refused to eat the wonderful meal that they had been able to prepare in Lorien, with fresh foods they had been given by the elves. He tried to coax some information out of his best friend, but his attempts were met by nothing but silence, which worried Merry even more. Pippin never refused food and Pippin was never silent.   
  
Merry wanted to ask Boromir for help in trying to get through to Pippin, as he had responded to Boromir, allowing him to carry him to the woods, but Boromir did not seem himself either. He had wandered off on his own long ago, and Aragorn had gone too, and now, Pippin was getting up and walking off on his own. Merry knew there was no use in following his wayward friend, so instead scampered off in the direction that Boromir and Aragorn should have been to get some help.   
  
Merry stumbled into the clearing where Boromir and Aragorn were sat, and looked up at them out of breath from running all the way. He could clearly see that Boromir was distressed and concluded that he was no longer in any kind of condition to help Pippin, so he looked to Aragorn.   
  
"Aragorn."  
  
"Yes Merry." Aragorn replied calmly.   
  
"It's Pippin."  
  
Aragorn sighed, presuming that Pippin was now back to his troublesome ways. "What has he done now?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"You have come here to tell me that Pippin has done nothing?"  
  
Merry nodded. "Yes." Aragorn didn't seem to be catching on to the problem, so he elaborated. "He's done nothing since we got here. I've never seen him like this, never. He's not speaking, he's not eating! He just sits there and cries."  
  
"I would never have thought that something so small could weep so much."  
  
"Hobbits may be small, but we have big hearts."  
  
"And Pippin is grieving. Give him time and he will talk about it."  
  
"But he won't." Merry protested. "He won't speak a word, about Gandalf or otherwise. And now he's wandered off on his own."   
  
"And you let him?"  
  
"I couldn't stop him. Please Aragorn, you have to try and help him."  
  
Aragorn sighed. "Go back to camp with Boromir and I will do what I can with Pippin."   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Aragorn found Pippin sat by a small stream, a good 20 minute walk away from where the rest of the Fellowship were camped, his hairy and sturdy hobbit feet dangling in the cool water. Pippin did not look up as Aragorn coughed gently in the back of his throat to announce his presence and sat down beside the tiny hobbit.   
  
"Pippin?"  
  
Pippin still did not stir, as Merry had said, to his direct questioning. Aragorn could now see why Merry was so worried about his friend; this was not the normal kind of grief that the rest of the fellowship was dealing with. One look at Pippins face told Aragorn that Pippin was dealing with so much more, his cute little hobbit face was contorted by his sadness, his eyes red with the tears he still shed and his tiny body shaking slightly as he fought back an onslaught of sobs.   
  
"Pippin?" Aragorn asked again more softly.   
  
Pippin did not answer, he merely began to sob openly, the sound ringing out clearly through the clear air of Lothlorien. Aragorn looked pained for the hobbit, perhaps seeking him out had not been such a good idea after all, but now he was here, he had to put things right.   
  
"Come now." Aragorn said in a soft and soothing voice, putting his arm around Pippin and pulling him up against his chest. "You have wept for many hours Pippin, to do so for much longer will do you no good."  
  
Pippin made no response.   
  
"Tell me Pippin, what troubles you so."  
  
"Gan-dalf." Pippin squeaked out between sobs before burying his head in Aragorns arm that held him.   
  
"We all mourn Gandalf little one."  
  
"I…I…I…I…"  
  
"Pippin?"  
  
"It's my fault." Pippin cried pulling away from Aragorn to bury his face in his hands.   
  
"What is you fault?" Aragorn was back to getting no response from Pippin who was now on the verge of being hysterical. "Pippin? What is your fault?"  
  
"Gandalf. It's my fault that Gandalf dead! It's my fault that Frodo nearly died!" Pippin shouted angrily at the Man as he stood up and grabbed Aragorns collar to shake him back and forth, trying to make him see. "I did it. I'm to blame. It's my fault that he's dead!"   
  
Aragorn stared at Pippin in amazement as the hobbit began to cry again and collapsed onto his knees in front of Aragorn, saying quietly to himself through his tears. 'It's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault.'   
  
Aragorn placed his hand gently on Pippins shoulder and told him firmly. "It is *not* your fault Pippin. What Gandalf did was very brave; he understood that a sacrifice had to be made for the greater good. The ring must be destroyed, and we must journey on, no matter how much it grieves us."   
  
Pippin looked up as Aragorn spoke, and Aragorn hoped that Pippin was going to finally respond and come back to his senses. Sadly he did not, he instead became angry once again and rose to his feet.   
  
"If it weren't for me Gandalf would still be alive." Pippin then began muttering to himself, and although Aragorn could not hear all that he said he was positive that he caught the phrase 'fool of a Took'.   
  
"Pippin, I do not understand why you blame yourself so."   
  
This only seemed to agitate Pippin further. "You don't see? How can you not see? Every one else does, every one blames me. They all know I'm the reason Gandalf's dead." Pippin began to cry again. "I didn't mean to Aragorn, it was an accident I swear. If I had known…I never meant to do it, and now he's dead. Gandalf was right, I should have rid you all of my stupidity…" Pippin trailed off into more sobs as he collapsed onto the ground.  
  
Aragorn finally realised what this was about. The skeleton that Pippin knocked down the well only minutes before the army of orcs turned up, bloodthirsty and ready for war in Balin's tomb. "Pippin" Aragorn said in a sigh as he put his arms around the hobbit and pulled him onto his lap, cradling him like a child. "You could not have known."  
  
"I killed him." Pippin confessed in a quiet cry, the tears still flowing freely.   
  
"You did *not* kill him." Aragorn told the hobbit firmly and sincerely.   
  
"They all blame me."   
  
"The fellowship do not blame you Pippin, never has the thought entered their minds. Why do you blame yourself so?"  
  
"I knocked the skeleton down the well. If I hadn't the orcs wouldn't have come, they wouldn't have woken the Balrog and Gandalf would still be alive."  
  
"We do not know that Pippin. You cannot punish yourself for the unknown."  
  
"It's not unknown. I nearly killed Frodo and I *did* kill Gandalf."   
  
"You have done no such thing. The orcs were not far behind us, and our mere presence may have awoken the Balrog."   
  
Pippin did not seem to be listening; he simply buried his head further into Aragorns chest and sobbed even harder. Aragorn wished that there was more that he could do to help the hobbit, for there was no way to change what had occurred and no way to know how it could have turned out otherwise.   
  
Aragorn took a hold of Pippins tiny chin and lifted his tear-streaked face to force him to look him in the eyes. "Pippin. It was an accident, it, and its consequences - whatever they may be, cannot be helped or changed. You proved you devotion to Frodo, to the Fellowship in Balins tomb. It was brave of you to attack the Cave Troll, all the Fellowship saw your act of courage Pippin. You did not give in and you did not let go."  
  
"But-" Pippin began to protest, but Aragorn would not let him and carried on.   
  
"You were willing to give your life for because you believed it took Frodo's, to save the Fellowship. That is not something that a fool would do, that is something that someone of worth and value would do. You are no fool Pippin. Gandalf spoke harshly because he was fearful."  
  
"Fearful of what I had done."  
  
"No." Aragorn assured. "Fearful of what the Dwarves freed into Moria. There is no blame to be placed here except on the dark forces that grow and mean to oppose us."  
  
He felt Pippin nod against his chest.   
  
"We must not allow ourselves to be torn apart by what has occurred. If we lose hope in ourselves, then our cause is lost, and there is still hope yet young hobbit, there is still hope left. You must have faith in yourself."  
  
Aragorn felt Pippins head shaking against his chest. "How can I?"  
  
"How can you not Pippin. You have proved yourself today. We have faith in you Pippin, *I* have faith in you."  
  
Pippin looked up at him. "You do?"  
  
"Yes." Aragorn told the hobbit honestly. "At first I had my doubts, but you have proved yourself well little one. I would not travel with any others."   
  
"Really?"  
  
"I would not lie to you Pippin."  
  
Pippin still looked doubtful.  
  
"I would not."  
  
Pippin seemed to except this for the time being, but Aragorn doubted that the hobbit fully believed him, and was simply buying some time to be alone and feed his self-pity. Aragorn tightened his hold on the small hobbit and told him. "Pippin, you have had your time for guilt, now you must have your time to grieve. You must rest here in Lothlorien, we all must."   
  
Pippin's sobs rose once again. "I can't believe he's gone. He can't be gone."  
  
Aragorn allowed himself a small smile. The young hobbit had finally begun to accept what had happened, and his guilt, and was now able to begin to grieve. Aragorn lost track of how long he sat cradling Pippin, rocking his small childlike body back and forth as he cried into the comfort of the Mans shoulder. Pippin's cries eventually calming down to a gentle sniffling as the sheer exhaustion of his emotions over came him, and the hobbit fell into slumber. Aragorn sat with the hobbit for several more minutes, the steady breath of Pippin soothing the ache in his soul. The suffering of the young one who had been so innocent and naïve had been painful for him, to see one who cared so much in so much pain. Aragorn could only hope that the rest in Lothlorien would give the hobbit back some of the life that he had left Rivendell with, that his guilt and grief could eventually be relieved, for Pippin was truly the only member of the Fellowship that could lighten their hearts and spirits without even trying.   
  
"You have lost much today. Rest well little one." Aragorn dropped a gentle kiss on the top of the Hobbits curly head of hair before lifting him and taking him back to the camp. "Rest well."   
  
~*~Finis~*~ 


End file.
